In this article, it’s important to clarify that I’m not an expert in this field; I’m simply an ordinary individual, much like yourself, with similar concerns and questions. My approach is driven by an open mind and a continuous quest for extracting life lessons from various experiences. By sharing my thoughts and words here, I hope that they may offer some guidance to anyone who, like me, has grappled with the matters I discuss below. It’s essential to approach this content with a critical mind, take what resonates with you, and apply it to your unique circumstances.
Choose to be single
It’s crucial not to enter a relationship solely to alleviate your own loneliness or to fill a void within yourself. Sometimes, we choose to be with a partner simply because we believe it’s better than being alone. However, enduring the emotional turmoil that comes with being in a relationship with someone who isn’t the right fit for you, or engaging in casual encounters just to combat loneliness, is rarely worth the toll it takes on your inner well-being. This behavior often stems from our discomfort with loneliness.
Love yourself
Achieving self-comfort is a fundamental step in the journey to finding the right life partner. It entails reaching a point where you’re content with your own company and don’t depend on another person to fill a void. However, it’s important to recognize that this inner peace cannot be cultivated by dwelling on past mistakes or constantly berating yourself for past actions. Imagine yourself sitting on your balcony, sipping a cup of coffee, and gazing at the world outside. If you’re caught in a cycle of self-criticism, replaying your past mistakes on a loop, you won’t be able to enjoy even five minutes of solitude.
To truly become comfortable with yourself, it’s crucial to reflect on your perceived missteps with a sense of understanding and forgiveness, rather than harsh self-judgment. Analyze these experiences, learn from them, and make peace with the aspects that may be causing you distress. This self-compassionate approach can pave the way for a more profound and lasting sense of comfort with your own company, which is a crucial foundation for healthy, meaningful relationships.
Remember, until you find peace in who you are, you can’t get that peace from somebody else.
Analyse your past mistakes
Take the opportunity to learn not only from your own mistakes but also from those of your past partners. It’s easy to point out what we found displeasing in their behavior, but we must also consider how our actions may have triggered certain reactions. Reflect deeply on your past missteps, and if it helps, jot them down on paper for a clearer perspective. This exercise can provide a detailed view of the areas where you went wrong and the aspects that might need improvement.
As you analyze these experiences, make an earnest effort to glean valuable lessons from them. It’s crucial to remember that making mistakes is an inherent part of being human, and it’s perfectly okay to make them. Embrace a forgiving attitude towards yourself, understanding that growth often emerges from the lessons learned in the aftermath of these blunders. By remaining open-minded and conscious of your past mistakes and future potential missteps, you pave the way for personal growth and a stronger sense of self-worth.
Build yourself
Discover your strengths and unearth new talents. Embrace the journey of becoming the person you’d genuinely enjoy being with one day. When envisioning your ideal partner, you might desire someone who is in good physical shape, possesses an artistic mindset, or is proficient in playing a musical instrument, among other qualities. However, it’s important to clarify that this isn’t about mimicking those traits to please a future partner.
Instead, the essence of this pursuit lies in finding activities and passions that genuinely resonate with you, igniting your inner passion and fulfillment. Start by cultivating these interests for your own well-being and self-discovery. By doing so, you’ll evolve into a person brimming with varied skills and a myriad of interests. Your future partner will be drawn to the authentic you and your unwavering love for the things that define you. It’s about them appreciating your passions just as much as you do, creating a deeper and more meaningful connection.
Stop searching
Love isn’t something you can actively seek out. It’s not a treasure waiting to be discovered with a map or an app. While there are exceptions, like going to a bar or using a dating app with the specific intention of meeting someone, my belief is that even if you find someone through these means, it may not necessarily be the right match. The reason is that when you’re actively searching for someone or eagerly anticipating that moment when you meet the “one,” you can easily convince yourself that the person you encounter fits the bill, and you might even check off all the boxes you’ve been longing for. But that doesn’t guarantee it’s a genuine connection.
In such cases, you might overlook the checkboxes that contain the things you don’t like or the aspects that aren’t aligned with your true desires. This is where the advice from the “Analyze Your Past Mistakes” section comes into play. It not only helps you acknowledge your previous relationship missteps and grow from them but also provides insight into what you didn’t appreciate in your last partner. This, in turn, enables you to discern the “red flags” more easily and avoid getting caught up in false promises and surface-level connections.
Consider it from a different perspective. Imagine that you lost your gym locker and tirelessly tearing apart your entire house in frustration, unable to locate it. Ultimately, you give up and purchase a new one. However, when you finally find a moment of peace and stop obsessing over it, the solution naturally comes to mind. You remember that you had placed the locker combination in the pocket of your work briefcase because you were heading to the office directly from the gym.
Continue your personal growth journey, shaping yourself into the person your ideal partner would be naturally drawn to. When you’ve cultivated the best version of yourself and the timing aligns, without the need for excessive striving, the right person will enter your life. You’ll meet them with a sense of calm, confidence, and readiness, creating the ideal conditions for a meaningful connection to blossom.
When the time comes
Consider the image of water, effortlessly flowing downstream. It’s a natural spectacle, captivating in its simplicity. Now, envision attempting to force that water in the opposite direction, against its inherent flow. Doing so would require the use of noisy, unattractive machinery.
This analogy extends to relationships and the person you’re meant to be with. Right from the start, it should feel like a seamless and natural progression. From those initial conversations to planning your first journey together, every step should unfold with ease and grace. It’s crucial to pay attention to the signs. If you ignore the natural flow and keep pushing against it, the relationship can turn into a demanding, toxic second job that constantly requires excessive effort.
Know your value
Keep in mind that you are an incredible catch, well-prepared to offer so much in this relationship and potentially to your future family. Consider yourself as the valuable asset in a thriving multinational company, and she, your capable employee. Your presence is deeply appreciated, but just like in the corporate world, you understand that if she decides to leave, the door is wide open.
The wise choice is to partner with a woman who recognizes the privilege of being with you. In return, you’re committed to caring for her, loving her, and providing protection. Any other scenario is (as already mentioned), a toxic second job.
If it doesn’t work
If things don’t work out, don’t be disheartened. Simply revisit the process we’ve outlined above: reflect on your own and your previous partner’s mistakes, extend forgiveness to both yourself and them, and keep moving forward.
Comments by Manhood Reset